The holidays are ripe with opportunities to mix and mingle in social situations, which can feel incredibly overwhelming if you feel anxious in large groups.
First of all, if this is you, it's important to give yourself permission to limit your social RSVP yeses. Sure, you want to be part of the festivities, but if you're going to feel drained from trying to muster the energy for every function, then no one wins.
Second, know that the underlying cause for many social anxieties is a worry about how others will perceive you... fear of judgement can be a powerful force.
Small steps are the key to taking control of these anxious feelings.
Choose the events that you truly feel are important (including events that may not be optional). Eliminate functions that truly won't bring you joy for having attended. It's okay to say no.
For the social functions you decide to (or must) attend, use these 3 sentences to alleviate some of the stress you feel when faced with small talk.
Okay, spoiler alert... all 3 sentences are questions. You see, when your fear is based on how people might judge you, questions can shift the focus away from you and onto the other person.
Open-ended questions are your best bet...they help keep the conversation flowing and leave less room for the dreaded awkward silences.
In the moment, it can be challenging to think of open-ended questions... so keep these 3 examples in your back pocket (figuratively or literally... no judgement if you take this list and sneak off to the restroom to read them as a reminder mid-event!).
6 Safe Open-Ended Questions to Turn Attention Away From You at Social Events So You Can Make Small Talk With Less Anxiety and Enjoy the Party!
1. What plans do you have for (insert upcoming holiday or weekend)? This is an oldie but a goodie. If the person has exciting plans, they'll share. Even if their answer is "nothing," people will often elaborate as to why they are taking time away from the social scene (we've been busy at work, last week was hectic, etc.). If their answer is "nothing," and that's all you get, you can encourage them to elaborate by asking, "how do you feel about having the (holiday, weekend, etc.) free to yourself?"
2. What good books have you read/movies have you seen/shows have you netflixed, etc. lately? Asking someone's recommendation shows you value their opinion. To continue the conversation, you can follow up with, "what is it that you like about that book/genre/movie/show/etc.?"
3. What's the coolest road trip (or vacation) you've ever been on? If they don't have an answer, you can ask where they'd like to go someday. Follow up questions to keep the conversation flowing are things like, "what was it that made that trip so special/memorable?"
There ya go! I know, three questions isn't very many... but truly the point of small talk is to keep the interactions short and sweet. Try sticking to just one or two questions per conversation, then politely excuse yourself to the buffet, restroom, bar, etc. and include a sweet, "It was nice chatting with you," to signal to the other person that you're moving on.
Find another new person, and start the process again! The party will end and the guests you talked to will leave feeling grateful that someone like you took an interest in getting to know a little about them.
Remember, the key is to ask open-ended questions (instead of yes/no questions). It might also be helpful to spend some time thinking of your own answers to these questions... just in case the person you're asking is also anxious and decides to ask you the same things.
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